I can honestly say that profanity was never a battle for me. . . until the summer after my senior year of high school. Growing up in a home where I never once heard a profane word pass through the lips of my parents, coupled with the expectation that I was to never dishonor the Lord with my speech, made it easy for me to avoid even the temptation to curse. But when that post-high school summer job landed me on a construction crew with a group of guys who had experience and expertise in the use of expletives, I suddenly found my mind defaulting to thinking obscenities, which in turn I would sometimes utter both under and over my breath.

Every one of us knows firsthand the tendency we have to become like those who we spend our time with. As we watch our kids grow up through childhood and adolescence, we see how the influence of their friends and larger social groups shape how they think, believe, and behave. This influence is especially strong during the teenage years, when our kids feel a deep need to fit in. This reality which we see through observation and understand by our good parental intuition is something that sociologists call “habitus.” Explained simply, habitus is the way we learn to live in the world based on the personal habits everyone around us is living, and which we adopt and do habitually, over and over again. Habitus is how we fit in to our social setting as we conform to our surroundings in the ways we think, believe, and behave. And, the more we live this way, the more entrenched living this way becomes for us as it becomes our second-nature default setting. Our habitus forms us, for better or for worse.

As Christian parents, our high privilege and calling is to see the habitus of our kids transformed and shaped by the Gospel, as they learn to seek, embrace, and live out a counter-cultural habitus that conforms to God’s will and way for their lives, rather than conformity to the way and will (habitus) of the world. How do we do this in a world that increasingly is opposed to the Gospel?

I recently found some great directives for Christian parents while reading about how the Christians living in the pagan society of ancient Rome worked to change the habitus that was so prevalent in their day. In his book, The Patient Ferment of the Early Church, Alan Kreider tells us that the Christians in Rome, a very small minority, worked to transform and “re-wire” the habitus of those who were not believers primarily through teaching biblical truth in the context of relationship. . . and God used this to draw individuals to Himself and to grow His church! As parents, we too must leverage our relationship to them, time with them, and consequent influence on them to teach our kids the truths of the Gospel and what it means to live life to God’s glory.

The habitus taught to our kids by our world today is very similar to the habitus which was pervasive in ancient Rome. The Christians in Rome purposed to address this habitus, teaching young and old alike a “Christian counter-habitus” focusing on sexuality, idolatry, material things, and bigotry. Determine to diligently address these four issues with your kids through your Christian education in the home.

First, the early Christians taught what the Bible says about God’s good gift of sexuality. The Roman habitus, like ours, emphasized sexual license and freedom without borders or boundaries.

Second, the early Christians were living in a Roman world where the occult and magical arts were celebrated and practiced. Consequently, they taught dedication to God rather than to other gods or magic. They addressed the sin of idolatry head-on.

Third, the Roman world was built on the selfish accumulation of wealth and possessions, and the Roman habitus promoted the pursuit of personal gain. The Christians celebrated and taught a willingness to steward wealth through gracious generosity and the sharing of one’s resources.

Finally, the Roman world was built on dislike and prejudice towards those who are different, an attitude that justified and resulted in bigotry, discrimination, and violence against others, including violence towards women and children. The Christians taught that the teachings of Christ call for living amongst those who are different, praying for one’s enemies, and showing kindness to those who hated them.

When Jesus calls us to “come and follow me,” He calls us to come as we are. He doesn’t, however, call us to stay as we are. After laying out the beautiful plan of the Gospel, Paul tells the Romans and each of us today, that because of God’s great mercy in granting us adoption into new life, we are to no longer be conformed to the habitus of this world, but we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2). Parents, teach your kids a habitus that God will use to transform their hearts as they live counter-culturally with their sexuality, their first love, their handling of wealth and possessions, and their love for neighbor. Parents, be patient. As the old saying goes, “Old habits die hard.” We must faithfully live and proclaim truth, trusting God to do his habit-forming work in His time.