A friend of mine is an expert archer. He once told me about the big difference between pulling the trigger on a shotgun, and pulling back on a bow to shoot an arrow. Shotgun shells are filled with pellets that spray out in a wide pattern, allowing the one who faces in the general direction before pulling the trigger to have at least a chance of hitting the target. You might hit it, and you might not. With an arrow, you are careful to focus in on the target, even looking to the center of that target with single-minded care and precision for the purpose of hitting the bulls-eye. With a bow and arrow, there’s intentionality. With a shotgun there’s simply chance.

As I look back on my own journey as a Christian parent, there are times when I was actively parenting with bulls-eye intentionality, and times when I would get a bit lazy, hoping that what I see now to be passive half-hearted “shotgun efforts” might yield a love for the Gospel, new life, a commitment to Jesus Christ, and a lifetime of discipleship in my kids. Granted, any of these changes in our kids is reliant on the grace and saving work of God through Jesus Christ and the cross, but we are called to be instruments in the Redeemer’s hands, intentionally nurturing our kids in the Christian faith, bringing “them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). God desires, chooses, and wills to do His work through us!

I recently read something that prompted me to walk up to the “spiritual bulls-eye” in order to look more closely at just what it is we are called to be targeting. Researchers looking to help 4-H in their efforts to develop young leaders identified six core strengths that need to be developed in children and teenagers if they are to grow into respectful and responsible adults. I was struck by how each of these six core strengths mesh so clearly with the marks of a mature disciple of Jesus Christ. Stepping up for a closer look at the spiritual “bulls-eye”, here’s some insight on six of the core spiritual strengths we should be aiming for.

We want to raise competent kids. Kids need to be taught to act effectively in various settings, including social, emotional, cognitive, and academic settings. This requires the development of skills and abilities that allow our kids to succeed in life. As Christian parents, we know that the Bible speaks to all of life, and those who are truly living the life of discipleship will integrate their faith into all areas of their lives. The Christian faith is not just one category of life alongside all others, but the umbrella over all other areas of life. The Apostle Paul reminds us that all of us, our kids included, need to develop competence in knowing the Scriptures as they make us wise for salvation and guide us into how to live our lives in willful obedience to Christ (2 Timothy 3:14-16).

We want to raise confident kids. This means our kids will have a sense of their self-worth, a belief in their abilities, and a positive outlook for the future. But where is confidence to be found? In Jeremiah 17:7 we read words that echo throughout Scripture, telling us that “blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” It is God who has created us and established our identity. It is God who gives us our gifts and abilities to use to His glory. And, it is God who gives us future hope for a life with Him in eternity! Our confidence should not be placed in ourselves, but in God alone.

We want to raise connected kids. Our kids need to find positive relationships with a sense of belonging in community with family and friends. God has made us for relationships, first and foremost with Him through faith in Jesus Christ, and then with each other. I Corinthians 12 gives us guidance on where true connection is found in the Body of Christ, where each of our kids is a contributing member.

We want to raise kids of character. This includes having a strong sense of morality, the desire to take on responsibility, showing respect, and being accountable for one’s actions. Christians are called to live counter-cultural lives marked by willing and eager obedience to God’s will and way fueled by gratitude to God for His mercy and saving grace shown to us through Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1-2).

We want to raise kids who are caring and compassionate. Researchers define this as having empathy, sympathy, and working to make a difference in the lives of others. God is a God of compassion, and for those who are raised with Christ, we are to put on and wear Christlike compassion (Colossians 3:1-17).

We want to raise kids who contribute. This means they are to learn to live a life of making a positive impact on their world. What better way is there to do this than through living out the Christian version of the previous five core strengths through the power of the Holy Spirit and to the glory of God! We are to fulfill the mission of God, living out both the greatest commandments (Mark 12:28-34) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).

“You used a shotgun! How’d you miss?!?” That’s a question I heard one TV cop ask another when the shotgun wielding officer failed to hit and deflate the tires on a criminal’s getaway car. That scene came to mind as I was thinking that there’s a day coming for all of us when our kids will have passed through childhood and adolescence to launch into the independence of adulthood. Are we stewarding them well, aiming carefully and actively working with intentionality to parent them into a lifetime of living as strong and well-equipped followers of Jesus Christ? This is the high calling and high privilege of Christian parenting!