The destructive power of teenage envy was captured on the cover of the May 19, 1990 issue of Sports Illustrated with these words: “Your sneakers or your life!” Inside, the story written by Rick Telander, referenced a horrifying encounter two 15-year-old boys (one who I knew) had on the streets of Philadelphia as they emerged from a store after purchasing sneakers. Christopher Demby and Allen Gore were shot at and robbed of their purchase by three other teens. Demby died and Gore survived. In his investigative article on this growing national trend of teenage muggings and killings over sneakers and athletic apparel, Telander concluded that the violence had little to do with the sneakers and jackets themselves. Rather, the precipitating motivator was quite simple: envy. The perpetrators, dissatisfied with their own status in the teenage pecking order, were attempting to elevate their status by owning the right sneakers and jackets. Has any of this changed over the last three decades?

Because our kids are growing up in a screen-saturated world where they spend hour after hour putting their eyes on the carefully constructed and curated status displays of friends, celebrities, and even complete strangers, they can so easily fall into the comparison snare. And when they do, they become increasingly bitter over the fact that others have it so much better. Left unaddressed, they can easily become what Shakespeare referred to as a “green-eyed monster”, or beings marked and controlled by an all-consuming envy.

Listed among the seven deadly sins, envy is something different than jealousy. The latter is a fear of losing what we have, for example, seeing someone who has been a “best friend” peel away to give best friend status to another. Envy is desiring something someone else has that I don’t already have, along with the component of taking that something away from the person who is the object of my envy. It’s a kind of resentful and malicious hostility that will motivate the envious to make what is yours mine, while leaving you empty-handed. Because envy is a sinful “work of the flesh” (Galatians 5:19-21), it not only keeps those who practice envy from inheriting the Kingdom of God, but it undermines our human flourishing and well-being. Proverbs 14:30 tells us, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Envy is never a winning proposition. The 4th century early church father, John Chrysostom, knew the dangers of envy. He wrote, “As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man.”

In today’s world, our teens still find themselves envious of the footwear and clothing of others. But envy is also fueled by wanting the fame, celebrity-status, social media followers, looks, friends, talents, wealth, and other kinds of stuff that mark the lives of those they compare themselves to, leaving them feeling inferior and worthless.

We need to realize that envy is nothing new. The Tenth Commandment tells us “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; your shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s” (Exodus 20:17).

How can we raise and nurture our kids in a vital Christian faith that helps them understand, see, and avoid turning into green-eyed envious monsters?

First, be sure that you give them a clear biblical understanding of what envy is, what the Scriptures say about the sin and consequences of envy, and the fact that envy is the opposite of love. True love seeks the good of others and it rejoices when others have it good. Envy seeks to destroy others’ good. Christ, however, calls his followers to love God and love neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39).

Second, show them what it means to love God and love neighbor through your own lifestyle, words, and actions. You can do this when you endeavor to have the Holy Spirit live in you and through you. Where envy is present, confess and repent of the sin of envy. Then work with God’s help, as John Owen has said, to “be killing sin or sin will be killing you.”

Third, set borders and boundaries on screen-time and social media use. A growing body of research and observation is pointing to the fact that online time pours gasoline on the fire of comparison and envy for both young and old alike.

Finally, pray for your kids. Ask the Lord to reveal to you any envious tendencies in your kids. Seeing these tendencies now gives us the opportunity to address and correct them, allowing our kids to hear the Gospel and respond with a resounding “Yes!” to the invitation of Jesus to “Come and follow me.” It is then, and only then, that they can begin to find freedom and rest in knowing that their true identity is in Jesus Christ, not in having what others have which they do not.

In her book, Glittering Vices, Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung writes, “A self secure in its unconditional worth, a worth based on God’s love, is a self free to affirm others’ gifts without feeling threatened or thereby made inferior. . . . It is a self able to take joy in its own good and in the good of others.” May our kids be secure in who they are in Christ!